Valentine’s Day is here and we already know the kinds of posts we’re going to see filling up our Facebook newsfeed. If we’re being completely honest…we’re kinda dreading it.
1. Look What I Got Post
You’re in a relationship, so it’s pretty much a given that you’ll be getting something for Valentine’s Day. Flowers, candy, a giant teddy bear – getting a gift from your significant other on February 14th isn’t going to be some huge surprise. Be the hero this Valentine’s Day, spare us your “OMG! I got flowers at work!” post. Help stop gift show-off posts, one overly-filtered photo at a time.
2. Over The Top Mushy, Lovey-Dovey Post
Can some stuff just stay between you and bae? Is posting a ridiculously long love letter to your special someone on Facebook (tagging them in the status, of course) really necessary? Then all of the back and forth comments between the couple…you know we can all see that right?! Save it for a card or a text or anywhere but Facebook. We get it, you love each other, we’re all happy for you, but don’t make us all nauseous.
3. Pity Party Post
You’re single, it’s Valentine’s Day and everyone is posting either the previous two items or the ones to follow. It would be easy to go into a full-on downward spiral and post about your loneliness in an attempt to get some sympathy likes, maybe a few heart emojis. Not worth it. Stand tall, single person. February 14th shall pass.
4. Desperate For A Date Post
You’ve moved from single and lonely to just plain desperate. Before you hit the Facebook to post a last-ditch effort to get a V-Day date, stop and think this through. Do you really want to throw your pride that far to the side just because it’s Valentine’s Day. Don’t do it! I mean, honestly, do you really want the type of person that’s going to respond to your desperate plea to be your date anyway? Probably not the best life choice.
5. I Hate Valentine’s Day Post
Valentine’s Day can be a little cheesy – yes. Stores up the prices on flowers, chocolates, jewelry to cash in on the holiday – true. We all already know these things. Please don’t decide on February 14th that now is the time to get on your soapbox and rant about how this is a holiday fabricated by the greeting card industry…we’ve heard it all before. “Commercial holiday” blah blah blah “show love all year not just one day” blah blah blah. We’re over it.
6. Over-Achieving Mom With Her Valentine’s Day Craft Post
Elementary school child: “Mom, we get to make a box for our friends to put our Valentine’s cards in.”
Crafty mom: “Great honey, I have some ideas. I’ve been on Pinterest all week.”
Child: “My teacher said we can just use a shoe box and add some construction paper hearts and doilies. I was thinking we could use glitter glue.”
Mom: “Glitter glue?!? What is this amateur hour? I was thinking more like this:”
Was your kid even in the room when you single-handedly created this heart-shaped fire breathing dragon Valentine’s card box and then uploaded the proud pic to Facebook? …She was…ok, that should be enough for you to justify your homework hostile takeover.
7. Proud To Be Single
You’re single, right on! You go girl! All that stuff. You’ve decided against posting annoying Valentine’s Day Facebook statuses 3-5 and we thank you for that. But you’re feeling so empowered by your single status that you’re ready to shout it to your entire Facebook feed. “I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel good about myself.” “I’m single and awesome.” “I’m so happy with me, that I don’t need anyone!” Great…why don’t you get off Facebook and go out and enjoy your singleness instead of telling us all about it.
8. The Fake Elaborate Plans Post
Your amazing, over the top Valentine’s plans sound a little too good to be true. In fact…are they real? Are you really about to board a private jet with your boo to celebrate February 14? Really? Hmm…cause we kinda think your only real plans involve Netflix and ice cream and there is no shame in that, just own it.
Don’t get us wrong here. We love all of you, and we love Valentines Day but…..